Narcissistic abuse warning that reads "Love shouldn't hurt"

3 Early Warning Signs of a Narcissistic Lover

Memphis Novel, NPD, Relationships
Narcissistic Abuse skull

The early days of a new relationship is usually filled with joy, butterflies and adventures. With all that fun, it’s easy to get carried away with someone who makes you the center of their world quickly. Let’s not throw all caution out the window though -the first date or two is the best time to lay out boundaries with your potential future significant other. You are in charge of your happiness and sanity after-all.

Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding.

According to phychcentral.com, Narcissistic Personality Disorder effects nearly 6% of the population and narcissist abuse effects over 158 Million Americans annually. Don’t let yourself be a statistic! Know the signs and educate yourself with the three early warning signs of narcissistic abuse below.

1. Love Bombing

Love bombing is the practice of showering a person with excessive affection and attention in order to gain control or significantly influence their behavior. The love bomber’s attention might feel good, but the motive is all about manipulation.

Multiple texts or calls throughout the day and early proclamations of love are warning signs that you’re being love bombed -possibly by a person with NPD. Affection, flattery, gifts and praise in generous amounts that scream to good to be true is a sure sign that you might dealing with a narcissist.

2. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a means to manipulate someone by psychological means into questioning their own sanity via their memory, judgement or perceptions. Gaslighting is used by narcissists to sow seeds of doubt in their victims so they question their reality. The results can be catastrophic to a person’s self esteem and confidence leading to second guessing yourself, apologizing often and an overall feeling that everything you do is wrong.

If you find your date tells you that you remembered something wrong more than once or repeatedly disagrees with your opinions, that’s not normal behavior; its a sign a narcissistic abuse. Cut ties now.

3. Triangulation

Triangulation is “a psychological threesome that you didn’t consent to..” according to medium.com. Triangulation is when a toxic or manipulative person, often a person with strong narcissistic traits, brings a third person into their relationship in order to remain in control. There will be limited or no communication between the two triangulated individuals except through the manipulator. It may appear in different forms, but all are about divide and conquer, or playing people against each other.

For example say, things have going well in your new relationship and you are invited to meet his friends or family. You make introductions but something is off. Your gut is telling you that maybe you’re not welcome or the friends or family members aren’t as warm as you’d hoped for. Trust your gut! If any of his friends or family members give you sneers or frowns upon first meeting -he’s already started his smear campaign against you!

Fold and move on, before you get in too deep.

Trust me.

Much love,

Holly May.


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3 Ways Covid-19 is Great for our Creativity

Memphis Novel, Parenting

It’s been some time since I wrote my first blog post here back in November 2019. I’ve been busy; between my full time job, moonlighting as a writer (second draft is complete) and parenting my two princesses, it’s been hard to find time for anything else. Until recently.

On March 11th, Covid-19 was declared a global pandemic by the World Health Organization. That was on a Wednesday. By Monday of the following week, my workplace ordered us all to pack up our computers and work from home until further notice to help slow the spread of this deadly respiratory virus. A wave of emotions ran through me; worry, fear, anxiety and a tiny bit of relief during this highly stressful time. The bright side of this situation was that I could get a rest period of sorts.

With this quarantine order, I would get a few weeks to work on my own schedule; to not have to worry about packing three lunches each night after cooking dinner or obsessing over how my hair looked, no need to apply makeup every morning either, I could bask in my natural beauty and let my skin breath! Coordinating my business attire would also go out the window. I always left this task for the morning of, even though I knew it would be better to do it the night before but I had to pack all those lunches and needed a minute to decompress before bedtime.

Don’t forget dropping my two daughters off at two different schools every morning and then commuting to my office to find a parking space and fetch my lunch, laptop and purse through the parking garage was yet another task I was happy to dismiss from my new routine. All these things out the window -at least for the time being has got me thinking -how have I been able to write the second draft of my book “Memphis” effortlessly without taking time away from my full time job? I’ve compiled a list below explaining how my mind has gotten clearer while my priorities are still being met.

Here’s 3 ways Covid-19 is Great for our Creativity

  1. Boredom breeds Introspection. With global stay at home orders or strict lockdowns in place across the world, we have time on our hands we didn’t have before -allowing us some introspection.

  2. Time. We simply have more time to explore our passions -subconsciously releasing our creative juices. With more time and bricks and mortar shops closed, I have been partaking in online shopping -my newest purchase? A Keyboard Piano and a Bluetooth microphone for me and my youngest daughter to learn to play -my eldest just wants to sing.

  3. Less disruption. Sure having two kids home with me constantly can bring more disruption but I’m lucky that they are well behaved (most of the time), at an age where their self sufficient and have each other to play with. If I was in an office setting -I’d have catch ups with colleagues around the office. And if it was typical work from home day -before all this happened, I’d have to stop whatever I was doing and pick up the girls from school. I don’t have to go anywhere nowadays.

Creativity is a Wild Mind and a Disciplined Eye

Unknown

Nice to Meet you! My First Post.

Book Excerpt, Book Review, Holly Dolly, Memphis Novel, Music Monday, Parenting, Seventies, Womens Issues

Hi there, I’m so happy to write my first blog post for my brand new author website! I think this is the best opportunity to lay the groundwork for what types (genres) of posts you can expect from me on here. This platform serves mostly to educate and promote my third child -my novel “Memphis”, HOWEVER it will be a secondary writing outlet for me to discuss women’s issues that I care about deeply.

Not just the sad stuff, but some RAD stuff as well! Expect posts on women’s issues, parenting, single motherhood, following your dreams and the power of visualization and intent. Finally, in my true style and fashion, expect some pretty sweet posts about the 70’s and 80’s era’s including flashbacks along with mentions of my favorite band ever -Fleetwood Mac.

So yea, it will be all over the place in terms of topics but if you like what you’re reading so far, you’ll love my book “Memphis” that includes all of the above. Please comment and offer feedback of any sort as I’m just starting out and value your opinion and individual requests.

Much love,

Holly May.