Nurse or doctor gloved hand holding a vaccine needle

My First Covid-19 Vaccine Dose: An Anti-Vaxxer’s Perspective


I never wanted to get vaccinated against Covid-19. I didn’t see a need for it. I am in my thirties -fairly young, I don’t have any underlying health conditions and I’m not obese. Logic told me that the opposite groups of the latter are the ones who need the vaccine for protection; the ill and the elderly. But, the official narrative told me otherwise. Coming from all different directions. My neighbor. My extended family. My colleagues. My politicians. They all advised me repeatedly: “Get vaccinated!”. I held off as long as I could while numbing out opposing views and staying true to my own inner compass that told me I don’t need it.

I saw my friends and family catch Covid-19 and many compared it to a cold and breezed through it. A few got very sick and likened it to the flu but no-one I know that had caught it, were admitted to hospital and I never heard of anyone personally to die of it. Still I was more worried about getting a relatively new vaccine over catching a virus that has a 98% survival rate so I held off.

Low and behold, we come to find out that the initial promises of these very vaccines with 90-100% effectiveness upon launching have dwindled down to hardly any protection at all. Pfizer’s own CEO stated this on Twitter and advised everyone to get boosted as soon as possible to continue to be protected. I was happy I didn’t line up for a vaccine at the beginning of the rollout after seeing all these missteps by government and big pharma. Right before Christmas 2021, there was roughly 9,000 Covid-19 patients in Ontario hospitals and 7,400 of them were fully vaccinated! I knew I made the right choice and was sure that the mandates would end and we could get on with our lives and learn to live with Covid-19.

Government mandates set in

Effective on September 22, 2021 a province wide vaccine passport program took effect under the government of Ontario. I couldn’t take my children out to a restaurant, I couldn’t take them to a movie theatre and we couldn’t hop on an airplane which I would have done in the previous year and a half but the government advised us not too. It was tough considering all the lockdowns we had already gone through not to mention many shifts from in-person to online school which impacted everyone’s mental health. Now we couldn’t partake in any indoor activities until the pandemic numbers flattened.

With 88% of the Canadian population fully vaccinated at that point, I didn’t understand the need for this new radical mandate but was willing to sacrifice a few months of being excluded from society for better times ahead. The vax passport mandate was scheduled to end in January 2022 but it was extended indefinitely with a stronger barcode scanning system implemented instead of the original paper printed copies that were easily forged.

The government wasn’t messing around. They wanted to ensure the unvaccinated were excluded from society and that they felt the sting of their ‘morally wrong’ choice not to get vaccinated. I felt it. My kids felt it. With no end in sight and my workplace ever so patient with my vaccine hesitancy, I just couldn’t hold off any longer. I had to make a choice to get vaccinated or potentially lose my job and then what? Not be able to provide for my children as a single parent? I reluctantly made the choice to keep my job and just get vaccinated -a choice I deem incredibly unfair but one I had to finally face. On further thought, it wasn’t a choice at all but a backed into a corner type of entrapment. I will go so far to call it coercion, in fact.

My inoculation experience

Regardless, I got it. I requested the Pfizer vaccine. If there’s one I was comfortable with, it was Pfizer since this brand seemed to have less instances of blood clots or heart inflammation. It was February 1, 2022 when I walked into my appointment. On the eve of the New Moon. I was nervous, I sat in the chair anxious beyond words. The pharmacist spoke to an 11 year old who was scheduling his second dose with his dad. If he can do it with a smile, so can I.

I closed my eyes but felt her energy coming closer with the needle in her hand and I backed away and let out a scream. Seriously, I screamed in fear and then felt silly so I laughed nervously. She told me to stay still and relax. I took a deep breath and an instant later, she said “all done”. I didn’t feel a thing. For a moment, I thought I lucked out and got one of those anti-vaxx nurses who shoot the dose into the garbage next to you. A few hours later my arm started hurting. Damn it, she got me!

The after effects of Covid-19 vaccine dose #1

I was pleasantly surprised with the lack of worrisome side effects that never happened. I chalk this up to getting my mind right ahead of time. A week before my first dose vaccine appointment, my mindset was “I’m never getting it and I have a hundred reasons not too”. When I made peace with getting the Covid-19 vaccine since I had no other choice, I looked to the bright side.

I spoke to my dad, he had no symptoms from his first, second or third (cringe) booster shot. I spoke to my cousin who was also coerced into taking the jab to save her job but she also had no side effects from dose one or two. I can report a sore arm for a few days after my shot. I have also experienced lightheadedness over the last two weeks but other than these mild symptoms, I’m fine.

I had so much to gain from getting it. I was saying yes to keeping my income. I was saying yes to being included in society again. I was saying yes to have the ability to travel freely. I made the choice I had to make to provide for my children at the end of the day but If the mandates were not in place, I never would have made the same choice. Getting my first dose, is a bittersweet victory because my eldest child is 13 years old. I have no plans on getting her inoculated so visiting restaurants and going to see a movie at the theatre are not options for her. If she wasn’t so tall, she could pass for an 11 year old. Sigh.

The future is looking bright again

Yesterday, on February 14th, Premier Doug Ford announced that vaccine passport mandates in Ontario will be lifted effective on March 1st! This is incredible news and the best Valentines Day surprise I could ask for! Mask mandates will remain in place but I don’t mind, heck, I’ll wear a face shield if that means I can take my kids to the trampoline park again! I give thanks to Dr. K. Moore and Doug Ford but most importantly to the Trucker Freedom Convoy who played a huge part in shifting our government’s stance on harmful mandates like lockdowns and vaccine passports. Of which, only contribute to isolation, segregation and poor mental health in our communities. No one should be coerced into taking the injection under the threat of job loss or fully participating in society. Seeing steps being taken to finally get back to normal is music to my ears. Here’s to getting our livelihoods back!

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