Bizarre Things a Narcissist Does in a Relationship

Am I the only one who was looking for love but ended up a shell of my old self armed with a masters degree in narcissistic personality disorders? Whether you’re currently deep in a trauma bond with your narcissist or have recently found the courage to leave them and are in the healing stages (c-PTSD anyone?) you will relate to these bizarre things a narcissistic lover will do to you during your relationship with them.

The cruel ways of a narcissist come on only after the love bombing stage has worn off. They start letting their mask slip only when they know you’ve fallen deeply in love with them. It might take three months. It might take a year (in my case).

Narcissists are strategic two-faced snakes who will stop at nothing to hurt you to feel powerful -as if this is the only way to add some sort of meaning to their pathetic lives. Once I began noticing these odd habits of my nex lover, I took to Google and came across narcissistic personality disorder. He fit every box under the Covert Narcissist spectrum.

I was astonished that this was a real thing. Narcissists are snobby know-it-all’s who love staring at their own reflection but they are still people with a heart and conscious. After a five year relationship with one, I now wonder if these people even have a soul.

1. They cause chaos before important events & holidays

Special occasions are sure to be ruined by the narcissist in your life. They hate to see you happy and can’t wait to sabotage special occasions such as holidays, birthdays and anniversaries. Forget gift giving. They will either not get you a gift at all or get you something you didn’t ask for and throw a fit when you express your dissatisfaction. A perfect example; I wanted a simple gift for Christmas one year from my narc boyfriend. It was a bottle of Poison Girl perfume. That’s the only thing I asked for.

I even gave him tips and hints on where to get it at a reduced price. On Christmas morning, he proudly gave me an unwrapped box of five assorted knockoff perfumes. He actually smirked at my confused look upon seeing the no name bottles of perfume after numerous discussions of Poison Girl perfume.

He then opened one of his gifts; an Amazon gift card, and subtly complained that he wanted a Wish gift card. He specifically asked for an Amazon gift card! This behavior was never ending no matter how clear I made my expectations or how clear he made his. Gaslight much?

2. They smear your reputation

They smear your reputation every chance they get. The smear campaign is one of many abuse tactics all varieties of narcissists use on their supplies. Triangulation at its finest. They set you up from the beginning to paint themselves as the victim and you: the perpetrator.

They know the end game of your relationship together. They expect you to eventually call them out for the lying, the cheating, and the physical & emotional abuse when you just can’t take it anymore. They’ve been through the cycles many times before already.

So, like a game of chess, they will be ready to defend themselves when the time comes that you’ve had enough. When you start coming clean about how horrible they treat you behind closed doors, you’re gonna find out that many people will be shaking their heads in astonishment because the very claims you put on them are claims already circulating about you! Yup, all along they’ve been telling people stories of how much you cheat and mistreat them -all the things they’ve actually done to you! The nerve of these people!

3. They answer questions with a question

This frustrating tactic is used to deflect their transgressions and further confuse their victims. Seriously, there really is no straight answers from them. Since breaking it off with mine and noticing the other narc’s in my life, I am stunned to see they all do this at one point or another. This is called deflecting.

Deflecting is a painfully common tactic used by narcissists is divert and attack. Here, the goal is to shift attention away from what the narcissist is saying and doing to what you are saying and doing, where they never have to take responsibility for their toxic behavior or address anything you’re saying! Before you know it, you will be on the defensive and the one apologizing if you’re not careful.

4. They cheat with their exes and groom new supplies

The most obvious trait of a narc lover is their inability to remain faithful. They can’t turn down attention -its what they crave more than anything. The reason behind their infidelity varies by type. For a malignant narcissist; it’s to stroke their ego and the sheer enjoyment of being so cleverly deceptive. For the covert type; its to play the victim and garner sympathy for themselves; their only cheating because their partner treats them so poorly after all.

The end goal is always the same; an extreme need for attention or narcissistic supply. Whether positive or negative, attention is their main goal when sleeping around. Triangulation is another. They always have someone on the back burner lined up for your discard if you dare call them out for their questionable behavior.

Say no more and discard them first

Empathic people naturally draw narcissists to them. Your kind heart, and intuitive nature make you prime targets for them. I am lucky. I escaped. Once you leave one, they will stalk you, they will plead with you to take them back. They will threaten suicide. Anything is on the table if they can get their supply back and abuse you to their own enjoyment.

Work on yourself. Build your self esteem back up. Focus on your kids. Go no contact and take out a restraining order or peace bond if necessary – just do not let these energy vampires back into your heart or head space again!

Have you experienced these classic abuse tactics by a narc lover or family member? Did I miss anything? Comment below your experience or feedback.

Much love,

Holly May.

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Nurse or doctor gloved hand holding a vaccine needle

My First Covid-19 Vaccine Dose: An Anti-Vaxxer’s Perspective

Health

I never wanted to get vaccinated against Covid-19. I didn’t see a need for it. I am in my thirties -fairly young, I don’t have any underlying health conditions and I’m not obese. Logic told me that the opposite groups of the latter are the ones who need the vaccine for protection; the ill and the elderly. But, the official narrative told me otherwise. Coming from all different directions. My neighbor. My extended family. My colleagues. My politicians. They all advised me repeatedly: “Get vaccinated!”. I held off as long as I could while numbing out opposing views and staying true to my own inner compass that told me I don’t need it.

I saw my friends and family catch Covid-19 and many compared it to a cold and breezed through it. A few got very sick and likened it to the flu but no-one I know that had caught it, were admitted to hospital and I never heard of anyone personally to die of it. Still I was more worried about getting a relatively new vaccine over catching a virus that has a 98% survival rate so I held off.

Low and behold, we come to find out that the initial promises of these very vaccines with 90-100% effectiveness upon launching have dwindled down to hardly any protection at all. Pfizer’s own CEO stated this on Twitter and advised everyone to get boosted as soon as possible to continue to be protected. I was happy I didn’t line up for a vaccine at the beginning of the rollout after seeing all these missteps by government and big pharma. Right before Christmas 2021, there was roughly 9,000 Covid-19 patients in Ontario hospitals and 7,400 of them were fully vaccinated! I knew I made the right choice and was sure that the mandates would end and we could get on with our lives and learn to live with Covid-19.

Government mandates set in

Effective on September 22, 2021 a province wide vaccine passport program took effect under the government of Ontario. I couldn’t take my children out to a restaurant, I couldn’t take them to a movie theatre and we couldn’t hop on an airplane which I would have done in the previous year and a half but the government advised us not too. It was tough considering all the lockdowns we had already gone through not to mention many shifts from in-person to online school which impacted everyone’s mental health. Now we couldn’t partake in any indoor activities until the pandemic numbers flattened.

With 88% of the Canadian population fully vaccinated at that point, I didn’t understand the need for this new radical mandate but was willing to sacrifice a few months of being excluded from society for better times ahead. The vax passport mandate was scheduled to end in January 2022 but it was extended indefinitely with a stronger barcode scanning system implemented instead of the original paper printed copies that were easily forged.

The government wasn’t messing around. They wanted to ensure the unvaccinated were excluded from society and that they felt the sting of their ‘morally wrong’ choice not to get vaccinated. I felt it. My kids felt it. With no end in sight and my workplace ever so patient with my vaccine hesitancy, I just couldn’t hold off any longer. I had to make a choice to get vaccinated or potentially lose my job and then what? Not be able to provide for my children as a single parent? I reluctantly made the choice to keep my job and just get vaccinated -a choice I deem incredibly unfair but one I had to finally face. On further thought, it wasn’t a choice at all but a backed into a corner type of entrapment. I will go so far to call it coercion, in fact.

My inoculation experience

Regardless, I got it. I requested the Pfizer vaccine. If there’s one I was comfortable with, it was Pfizer since this brand seemed to have less instances of blood clots or heart inflammation. It was February 1, 2022 when I walked into my appointment. On the eve of the New Moon. I was nervous, I sat in the chair anxious beyond words. The pharmacist spoke to an 11 year old who was scheduling his second dose with his dad. If he can do it with a smile, so can I.

I closed my eyes but felt her energy coming closer with the needle in her hand and I backed away and let out a scream. Seriously, I screamed in fear and then felt silly so I laughed nervously. She told me to stay still and relax. I took a deep breath and an instant later, she said “all done”. I didn’t feel a thing. For a moment, I thought I lucked out and got one of those anti-vaxx nurses who shoot the dose into the garbage next to you. A few hours later my arm started hurting. Damn it, she got me!

The after effects of Covid-19 vaccine dose #1

I was pleasantly surprised with the lack of worrisome side effects that never happened. I chalk this up to getting my mind right ahead of time. A week before my first dose vaccine appointment, my mindset was “I’m never getting it and I have a hundred reasons not too”. When I made peace with getting the Covid-19 vaccine since I had no other choice, I looked to the bright side.

I spoke to my dad, he had no symptoms from his first, second or third (cringe) booster shot. I spoke to my cousin who was also coerced into taking the jab to save her job but she also had no side effects from dose one or two. I can report a sore arm for a few days after my shot. I have also experienced lightheadedness over the last two weeks but other than these mild symptoms, I’m fine.

I had so much to gain from getting it. I was saying yes to keeping my income. I was saying yes to being included in society again. I was saying yes to have the ability to travel freely. I made the choice I had to make to provide for my children at the end of the day but If the mandates were not in place, I never would have made the same choice. Getting my first dose, is a bittersweet victory because my eldest child is 13 years old. I have no plans on getting her inoculated so visiting restaurants and going to see a movie at the theatre are not options for her. If she wasn’t so tall, she could pass for an 11 year old. Sigh.

The future is looking bright again

Yesterday, on February 14th, Premier Doug Ford announced that vaccine passport mandates in Ontario will be lifted effective on March 1st! This is incredible news and the best Valentines Day surprise I could ask for! Mask mandates will remain in place but I don’t mind, heck, I’ll wear a face shield if that means I can take my kids to the trampoline park again! I give thanks to Dr. K. Moore and Doug Ford but most importantly to the Trucker Freedom Convoy who played a huge part in shifting our government’s stance on harmful mandates like lockdowns and vaccine passports. Of which, only contribute to isolation, segregation and poor mental health in our communities. No one should be coerced into taking the injection under the threat of job loss or fully participating in society. Seeing steps being taken to finally get back to normal is music to my ears. Here’s to getting our livelihoods back!

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Black Coffee is the Key to Sustainable Weight Loss

Food, Health

I recently made a very simple yet intriguing discovery about my underestimated sugar intake -a discovery that needs to be shared with the masses! If you have a few pounds to lose, I highly recommend you keep reading for two very impactful switches to your daily routine that will work wonders in maintaining a heathy body weight. My discovery happened about a month ago. I began a commitment to workout regularly in addition to my already established routine of getting a fair amount of fruits and veggies (love my salads) and drinking plenty of water throughout the day.

After adding four 40 minute strength and HIIT workouts, you’d think I’d start moving the digits down on my scale. But my scale didn’t budge. My weight stayed the same. I spoke to my doctor; is it my thyroid? Is it stress related cortisol holding my fat cells hostage? Seriously doc, what gives? He said its simply a matter of calories in and calories out and most importantly, cut down on sugary foods and junk foods. I don’t eat sugar aside from my coffee -not enough to cause concern nor do I eat junk food, I scratched my head.

Keep a food diary and measure every spoonful

I decided to keep a digital food journal through the MyFitnessPal app to track all my calorie intakes in case there was something I had missed -I even kept an eye on my macros with this nifty app. I started drinking more coffees than usual to support my workout sessions since black coffee aids in stamina and weight loss. But I can’t do black coffee. I drink a regular; one itty bitty cream and one spoonful of sugar -barely enough calories to interrupt my intermittent fast or disrupt my weight loss plans.

My morning routine consists of making two to three Keurig coffees and nothing else until 2:00pm when I break my fast. Aside from water, coffee is my go-to drink. When I started logging my coffee with the cream and sugar, I had a ah-ha moment when I went a step further and actually measured out the sugar and cream I was adding to my cup. Turns out my single teaspoons are more like two and my single cream was triple what I should have been logging.

Let’s do the math on these hidden calories

Let’s calculate the real nutritional values in my 3 cups of joe with two teaspoons of white granulated sugar per cup and three tablespoons of coffee cream.

2 teaspoons of sugar = 32 calories per cup plus 10 grams of carbs
3 tablespoon of 10% coffee cream = 45 calories per cup

That’s 96 calories and 30 grams of carbohydrates from the sugar and a whopping 135 calories from the creamer I was incorrectly measuring as only one tablespoon!

For perspective; you might as well have a McDonald’s cheeseburger to start your morning with 300 calories and 32 grams of carbs, it’s a mere 70 calories difference but at least the burger has 15 grams of protein!

Sugar & cream in your tea or coffee will cancel out your intermittent fast

Logging and measuring food portions are vital to any weight loss plan because its quite common and easy to miscalculate how much when you’re eye balling portion sizes and not using a proper measuring tool. Cutting out sugar is paramount to sustainable weight management. You cannot out-run a bad diet. Added sugar will sabotage any weight loss plans you have going for you. And interrupt a fasted state.

My intermittent fasting consists of a 19 hour fast and a 6 hour eating window or 19:6. Technically, you can have 50 calories to keep your body in a fasted state -that’s a splash of coffee cream or a teaspoon of milk in two cups of coffee. So I really wasn’t fasting at all, I was feeding my body with 230 empty calories and 30 grams of carbs every morning. Not good.

Rethink what you’re adding to your black coffee

I decided I had to make the switch to black coffee for my health. It was a matter of changing my palette over a couple weeks of time. I call myself a coffee lover but was I? No, I was a sugar addict. It took a week to adjust (wean) myself off the 25 grams of sugar I was accustomed to every morning. I got headaches, my stomach grumbled. I didn’t like the black coffee taste. I had to pivot. I started adding Stevia on day 3 of my black coffee trial run. Stevia is a sugar substitute made from the leaves of the stevia plant. It’s about 100 to 300 times sweeter than table sugar, but it has no calories and no carbohydrates. I also ditched the cream and opted for 2% milk instead – careful to measure it with an actual tablespoon measure. On day seven, I was down 3 pounds!

I was down another 3 pounds by day 14. I didn’t even workout in these two weeks nor did I change any other aspects of my diet. I wanted to single handedly assess the effect that my sugar addiction and coffee creamer had on my weight loss goals.

A 6 pound weight loss over two weeks was enough to wake me up and out of my sugar addiction. I am still using Stevia and a splash of milk -black coffee is the best way to go and its so simple to just brew and go -no measure spoons needed. But at this point, I’m much happier and healthier with my new morning java routine and don’t expect to lose much more weight from this simple diet change but it will definitely set me up in the long run against developing a range of sugar related health issues including type 2 diabetes, accelerated skin aging, cancer and more.

Plus, I feel better knowing I can have occasional sweets such as cake and desserts guilt free on birthdays and special occasions. It’s all about balance. I invite you to skip the sugar and creamer in your coffee (or tea) for a week or two while intermittent fasting and see the results for yourself. Comment below any experiences you’ve had cutting out sugar from your diet.

Much Love,